16/06/2026
How Kia Passed Her Driving Test Today: A Masterclass in Chaos
The Prep
Kia rolled up to the test centre with 3 lucky pennies, a rabbit's foot keychain, and the confidence of someone who'd watched one YouTube video titled "Pass Your Test First Try!!!" at 2am. Her instructor had already started stress-eating mints.
The Reverse Park
Examiner: "Okay Kia, reverse into that bay."
Kia: proceeds to reverse like she's defusing a bomb in slow motion
She missed the bay. Then the one next to it. Then nearly invented a new bay between two parked cars. The examiner's clipboard hand started twitching.
On attempt #4, a gust of wind blew, a pigeon sneezed, and somehow the car slid perfectly into the lines. Kia: "I meant to do that." Examiner: writes 'divine intervention' in notes
The Roundabout Situation
Kia approached the roundabout, whispered "you got this, Toretto," and entered at what witnesses are calling "ambitious speeds." She did 3 full laps because she "wasn't sure which exit was the vibe." The examiner finally pointed. Kia exited, still indicating right, left, then hazards... just to keep everyone guessing.
The Emergency Stop
Examiner: "I'm going to ask you to do an emergency stop now."
Silence
Examiner: "...Now."
Kia SLAMMED the brakes so hard the glovebox flew open, a packet of Fruit Pastilles exploded, and the examiner's pen launched into the backseat.
Examiner, peeling himself off the dashboard: "Technically... effective."
